Well it’s getting light here now so I should probably think about getting back to bed. But I just want to get this out onto paper before I do.

About an hour ago, after a ridiculously long willed struggle, I finally surrendered to Christ. This struggle has been going on for many, many years.

I surrendered to simply carrying on with my normal daily life. My marriage, my family, everything (mainly my marriage 😉 )

No more distractions. I was using them to distract myself from submitting to His will for my normal daily life. His will is that I simply just carry on.

The reason I couldn’t submit was because my life felt like an impossible burden. I couldn’t submit because I felt like I couldn’t carry it, and I couldn’t fix it.

Of course I’ve recently realised (with the help of a great spiritual director) that I really can’t carry it, and I really can’t fix it! Only Jesus can do that. It is such a relief to know that. And with that massive weight lifted, I have managed (by the grace of God) to surrender my will to His and accept where He wants me to be. Thy will be done.

But this time I don’t need to be constantly distracting myself from the despair of a perceived impossible burden, because I’m no longer carrying it. He is 🙂

I’m not sure how life is going to be from now on, it all seems a bit new. But my Father knows what I need, and He will provide for me.


5 thoughts on “Surrender.

  1. Claire, I am with you, especially because I feel as though I also carry this sort of Cross, and seem to hit the wall on a regular basis. Your words resonate so strongly. I think He is working so powerfully within our hearts in this extraordinary Year of Mercy. The Mercy is for us but we cling to our miseries and pain, like a ‘right’, a twisted righteousness. Yes the pain, the storm, the unhappiness is Real, but it’s our merciless clinging that prolongs the sinking. I don’t know why it is so hard for some of us. It is pride and horror at the woundedness inside. Peace dear Sister in Christ. Hold fast to the darkness and the unknowing. He is incomprehensible. He is SO GOOD.
    Be gentle with yourself. Much love.

  2. I haven’t been to Mass since the start of Advent, although I watch it on line. I do believe that every time we come together as church we should be experiencing a 1 Cor 14:26 type of service where all of our needs are met. Going through the motions and pre programmed liturgies doesn’t appeal to me at all. Jesus wasn’t organised from Heaven, he was born. Paul had to go through the process of ‘giving birth’ once again to the church in Galatia. Paul said that they were observing special days and months and seasons and years! and he felt that he had wasted his efforts. I’m sure that he would have something to say about this year of ‘mercy’. Apart from Paul not one of the Apostles had any theological qualifications. They turned the then known world upside down. The church of today couldn’t turn a pancake and filling people into large dead buildings or shrines doesn’t constitute a resurrection. At the moment I am on the outside looking in and there doesn’t seem to be anything to entice me to go in. It’s like going into a pub with no beer. Keep me in your prayers folk.

    • Its all about relationship with Christ. That is what you are sensing that is missing from today’s church, and you are right.
      The first thing you need to do is to work on your relationship with Christ, then you will be able to help others work on theirs.
      Keep your eyes peeled and pray for a good priest to help you with this. God will provide.
      You’re in my prayers xx

  3. Thank you Claire, that is good wisdom. As for me I hate being ‘lukewarm’ The church in Laodicea had locked Jesus outside, yet they were going through all their religious services. They had locked him outside the door of their hearts and the invitation from him was to come and sit down at his table and share his meal. The message from the King sitting at his table is to eat with him. But if you put ambition at the head of the table, or anything else that puts Christ 2nd place, then He will not sit down and eat with you. He can’t be just a by product of your life. You either love Him with all your soul, with all your mind, with all your strength and with all your heart or you don’t. In truth if I wanted to find a church ‘on fire’ for the Lord I would probably have to go to a Vineyard or Pentecostal church, sad but true. Have a good day.

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