I’m giving up worrying for Lent.

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I know this pose. The head in hands face to the floor pose. I am doing it all throughout the day at the moment.  My favourite place to do it is probably in the bathroom where no one can see me doing it, except God. I also like to do it in the car (when I’m parked!), in front of my sewing machine, during mass and in my bedroom in the dark.

It achieves nothing. It changes nothing.

I have a lot on my shoulders at the moment. I have become the major bread winner for the time being. I don’t earn enough to cover even half our bills even though I am working all the hours God sends. My husband has not been well at all this last month which I find extremely upsetting. The baby has stopped sleeping in the afternoon and has discovered the word ‘NO!’, which is hilarious but it is just another pressure I can’t cope with.
I don’t want to lose the house. I don’t want my kids to have to change schools. I don’t want my husband to be I’ll for the rest of his life.

I have a lot to worry about at the moment.

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Worry achieves nothing. It changes nothing. The only thing it does is rob me of God’s peace.

I wish I could be brave but I’m afraid I’m not brave at all. If I give the impression I’m coping then that is just God’s strength and grace covering the fact that I am in a constant state of fight or flight. Panick attacks are not fun.

But still… Worry achieves nothing. It changes nothing.

For Lent this year I am determined to let go and let God. I will take my dispair to confession. I will discipline myself to remain in the moment rather than worrying about things that might happen. And I will keep my gaze fixed on Christ crucified, and Christ resurrected.

Recently in prayer I have found it extremely comforting to place my doubting hands into His wounds, and to rest my worrying head upon His chest.
I hold my Mother’s hand as she sees her loved one suffer – knowing the is nothing she can do to ease His pain during His passion. I know how she feels as she carries out her role: to walk along side the one who suffers.

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I remember sometimes to offer my own suffering along with theirs to God for the conversion of sinners, and this brings purpose to what I am going through.

The point is that I’m afraid of suffering. I trust that God is in charge, but I also know that God does permit the worst kind of suffering. And I’m terrified. Satan wants to keep me in that frame of mind.

This lent, if I can manage to give up worrying, I feel it will be one of the biggest spiritual advances I will ever make in my life. But I can’t do it alone. I’m going to ask a local priest to direct me, and I’m going to be relying entirely on the prayers of the incredible Catholic community I am part of.

I’m really beginning to regret asking to be made worthy of sainthood 🙂

Please pray for me.

9 thoughts on “I’m giving up worrying for Lent.

  1. “The point is that I’m afraid of suffering. I trust that God is in charge, but I also know that God does permit the worst kind of suffering. And I’m terrified. Satan wants to keep me in that frame of mind.”

    Even after a lifetime of horrible suffering, I still fear suffering. I don’t know how some saints loved suffering. For love of Christ, I can ask Him to help me accept suffering. But I’d rather be like Josiah and miss out on the horrors. Still, Jesus pulls me through and is pulling you through too.

    Prayers always. Do you prayer the Anima Christi?

    Soul of Christ, sanctify me.
    Body of Christ, save me.
    Blood of Christ, inebriate me.
    Water from the side of Christ, wash me.
    Passion of Christ, strengthen me.
    O good Jesus, hear me.
    Within Thy wounds hide me.
    Suffer me not to be separated from Thee.
    From the malignant enemy, defend me.
    In the hour of my death, call me.
    And bid me come to Thee.
    That with Thy saints I may praise Thee.

    On one occasion when I was having flashbacks, Dawn Eden told me to hide in Christ’s wounds. It’s a peaceful place to hide. You remind me of her advice. Prayers always.

    http://lovedasif.com

  2. This is really a fantastic idea for Lent. It’s relatively easy to give up a material good for 40 days (meat, chocolate, pop, Facebook, etc) but it’s alot harder to give up an emotional or behavioral habit. Last year I gave up cursing for Lent, which was difficult because I have a notoriously foul mouth, but worrying is a more pervasive emotion cuz it can put you on the road to despair.

    I fear suffering too. I’m convinced that my husband is a victim soul because he’s undergone much suffering in his life, some of which I’ve been privy to. Can I join you on giving up worrying for Lent?

  3. I too am under a lot of pressure, no real money problems, but my husband is disabled, leaving me to do absolutely everything, my two adult children have taken all that they could from us, then abandoned us ( no phone calls , no birthday cards, or Christmas cards, etc) and I suffer from Clinical depression. A very good priest, whose name you would probably recognise, told me of the shortest novena, which he said is very powerful. It goes My Jesus, I surrender myself to You . Take care of everything. I have just started to say this, perhaps you might do so too. I do hope that things improve very soon.

  4. Hello Claire, I hope things improve for you and your husband. It’s a lot of responsibility. Has given you at this present time. But God is with you always will be. You are only human, with all your emotions that you are going through. It understandable that you feel the way you do. You will feel you have lost control in your life. But I know with trust and prayer you will get through this situation you and your husband are in. Jesus love’s you more than anyone else. And he know’s you are suffering. I will add you to my prayers Claire. I will also pray for you when I go on my Polish Pilgrimage to Krakow in April. For this year of mercy. At times like this, I think of Job in the bible. He lost everything he was a rich man. At time’s he felt God was not with him. But he was and after his time of suffering. God give him a new family and much more. But sometimes we have just go with the flow. Never doubt that Jesus and his holy spirit are with you. Just trust in Jesus Christ. I hope this helps you, even if you feel you Carnot pray. Just say Jesus I am sorry please pray for me. And he will he understands and loves you.

    While your husband is not able to work. Have looked into support with benefits, Claire they might be someone. Who can help you with this, please look into it. You might be able to some benefits to help you with your children. Also check if you can get a discount on your council tax. Please look into all the support you can get.

    Do not give up Claire you give me and others joy, when we read. Your messages on facebook. I have never met you, but we have one thing in common that makes us sisters in Christ. May Gods peace be with you and your family always love Christina x

  5. Thanks for sharing this. While not going through exactly what you’re enduring, I’ve had similar worries, fears and troubles. Recently, I looked back over the past 15 years and realized that “somehow” things worked out, even though at many times times it seemed as if we were doomed. My grandmother years ago told me to do my part and never doubt that God will provide. He has.

    Mark Twain wrote that he had lived a long life and had many troubles, most of which never happened.

    You have some awesome people chiming in here and pulling for you. I will add my prayers for you and your family as well.

  6. Clare, years ago, we went through a similar experience, loosing our home, job, stillborn child, wife ill with kidney failure, and I cried: “Why me, Lord?” But God had other plans for us and through those days of suffering came peace, faith, and divine love. When we look back on those days, we see God’s Will and the graces we received at the time. Hang in there and one day you too will laugh remembering the graces and love of God in your life experiences. You may even thank Him for it! 🙂 God bless+
    Deacon John

  7. Claire, This too shall pass. Our Jesus is magnificent. In 2008 I suffered colon cancer and the following year my husband had lymphoma. The children were young and vulnearable. But today God has cleared the cancer for both of us and the children are now 21 and 25years old. I will definately pray for your recovery. May The Child Jesus make a miracle in your favour this year amen. Lets remember those in Purgutory.

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