All I want is a cuddle.

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My dressing gown hangs in the back of my bedroom door. Sometimes, when I’m feeling particularly sorry for myself, I put the sleeves round the back of my neck and my arms round its middle. Then I can pretend I’m having a cuddle; with Jesus, with my husband, with whoever. I just want to be picked up and cuddled.
What a sorry, sad, soppy piece of sulkyness I am.
Today, when I am feeling particularly sorry for myself for several different reasons, I want it to be Jesus. Unfortunately for me, Jesus is having none of it.
“You’re looking for consolation.” He tells me. Not in a bad way, He’s just stating the fact.
And yes I am. Unfortunately for me, now He’s pointed that out, I know I’m not going to find any.
“Lord, teach me how to suffer…” – Why did I ever ask Him that at the start of this year??!!!
Therese talks about how to suffer. All this year I have only suffered badly. I now realise that my unquenchable thirst for consolation has only doubled, no tripled the suffering I have encountered this year.
I search for consolation by stuffing biscuits into my face. I search for it by counting the number of likes on my Facebook posts. I search for it in demanding attention from other people. I find it in dwelling on thoughts for hours, that I really should not be dwelling on.
Well, now He’s made me aware of how I’m doing it, I know none of those things are going to satisfy me anymore.
Oh dear.
It looks like I might actually be maturing as a human being.

2 thoughts on “All I want is a cuddle.

  1. Yes, that was a silly thing to say …… I don’t ask such things – too darn scared He’d take me up on it!

    But maybe, you are the one who will do great things. These days, just to bring your kids up with decent values is a great achievement, and will give them a security and confidence others don’t have. They will get flak, but I suspect there will be more than one who will admire and envy them their living by values that have stood the test of time.

    When the feel-good factor is conspicuous by its absence, remind yourself of the basic truths of the Faith: we don’t keep going because it feels good, we keep going because it’s the right thing to do, we keep going because at some point we committed ourselves to Catholic belief and practice, and if we see it through we will eventually have the consolation of Heaven.

    Whatever you actually feel, the fact is that at Communion you receive the Body and Blood of Christ: that is a fact and true no matter what you feel.

    Hang on in there. God bless!

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