Pumpkin Haunted by Spirit of Vatican II Terrorizes Family.

Kasper Pumpkin

According to local eye-witness reports, a pumpkin haunted by the spirit of Vatican II is terrorising a young Catholic family in London, England. Clare Short, mother of 3, became concerned earlier this month when her neighbours started practising strange rituals in their back garden late at night. “They would all dress up in rainbow coloured robes and gyrate wildly in a circle around the vegetable patch howling like banshee’s in what seemed to be some sort of bizarre liturgical dance.”

She went on to say: “I knew they read ‘The Tablet’ but I felt this was going a bit too far. By the next morning one of the pumpkins had some strange markings on it that seemed to resemble some sort of hideous face.”

The neighbours are then reported to have moved the pumpkin onto their front porch for all the world to see.”At night it glows. It’s really scary. One time I saw the eyes move.”

Mrs Short politely asked her neighbours to remove the pumpkin, but was met with ridicule. “They told me not to be so superstitious and to stop being so old-fashioned and ‘get with the programme‘.”

Soon after this confrontation strange sounds started emanating from the pumpkin. “At first we thought it was speaking in tongue’s, but then we realised it just has a really thick German accent. It started shouting ‘Mercy! MERCY!’ and racially abusive comments like ‘You don’t vant to listen to those Africans’. It is not a friendly ghost”

Mrs Short’s husband has also been victim to the taunts of the vegetable. “One time, after a row with Clare, I stormed out of the house and slammed the door. Then it said ‘Don’t vorry my son. Maybe it just isn’t vorking out for you two hey? You should leave her – it is the merciful thing to do hey?’ It must have heard us arguing.”

After a long drive and a trip to the florist Mr Short returned home again. “It spoke to me again: ‘Ahhh my son, I see you are not giving up yet. Dat is nice, hey? Either way is fine with me’.”

Mrs Short reports that the most upsetting incident was later that evening. “We were lying in bed and could hear it mumbling something from outside the window. My husband got up to shut the window, and as he did it laughed hysterically and screamed at the top of its voice: ‘DON’T FORGET TO PUT YOU RAIN COAT ON MY SON! Bwaaahhhhhh!’ It was really embarrassing.

The next day Mr and Mrs Short went to see their local Arch Bishop and explained everything that had been going on. “He had a glazed look about him. He told us that there are ‘positive aspects‘ to seasonal vegetables and that they should be ‘welcomed, respected and valued’ and that their ‘gifts and talents’ can benefit the whole Catholic community.”

3 thoughts on “Pumpkin Haunted by Spirit of Vatican II Terrorizes Family.

  1. The concept here is funny and terrific, but it perpetuates the misconception that Vatican II was responsible for liturgical dance, rainbow masses, the dropping of Latin and receiving in the hand – which it was not. The implementation of Vatican II was the problem; St. Pope John Paul II and Benedict XVI were key players in the council. “The Spirit of Vatican II” was the Holy Spirit, which guides the Church. Let’s not continue the semantics that create the impression that the council was invalid or heretical.

    • Love it! Wouldn’t change a thing!

      Honesty can’t understand why people are celebrating 50 years of disaster in the Church! Though much of VII docs are not blatantly heretical, the “fruits” thereof stink to high heaven.

      I do believe the Holy Spirit spoke at VII, but I doubt from the results that anyone was listening.

  2. That last paragraph is the best part! It is so true of what is happening today, this is exactly what pope Francis is saying today, and many bishops, etc are following him…”let’s just all let live and be open minded and be accepting….” A bunch of hogwash to say the least!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s