At 18 I came back to the church. At 20 i got married. I was a kid. But even then i knew that the promise i was making was for life. But that was about all i did know.
Our marriage prep course was nice. It was a one day course that talked about resolving conflict, being sensitive to each others feelings and making time for each other. It was nice.
It didn’t mention anything about NFP (in fact it didn’t mention anything about sex whatsoever!) It didn’t mention anything about the stabilizing pillar marriage is within the community or the wider sociological responsibilities and it didn’t mention anything about the fact that if you do break up, you cannot re-marry (or if you do, the fact that you will not be able to receive communion because you will be in a perpetual state of adultery – I NEVER KNEW THIS!!!).
The American population is said to have a divorce rate of about 50%. Catholics stand out with only 28% of the ever-married having divorced at some point. But 28% remains a troubling statistic. Even some clergy are starting to throw in the towel regarding the sanctity of marriage. With recent headlines including “German bishops will defy Vatican on divorced-remarried receiving Communion…” perhaps it is time to have a good look at how we prepare people for marriage?… I’m just sayin’…
The head of a major U.S. missionary apostolate says that evangelization – not simple catechesis – is needed to prepare Catholics for good marriages by putting Jesus Christ at the center of their lives.
“We have got to recognize the difference between evangelization and catechesis,” Curtis Martin, co-founder of the Fellowship of Catholic University Students, told CNA Feb. 14.
“There is an attempt, by some of the best marriage preparation people in the country, to give all the catechesis about marriage that they possibly can, and they haven’t evangelized on the importance of Christian marriage.”
“You’re actually filling them with information but they don’t know why they need it.”
Catholics preparing for marriage should have “actually encountered Christ and have chosen to make him the center of their lives, so that this is the driving force in their life and the most important relationship.”
“That is fundamental,” he said.
Martin and his wife Michaelann began the Fellowship of Catholic University Students, known as FOCUS, in 1998. The student missionary organization now has more than 350 missionaries on 83 U.S. campuses.
Martin, a father of nine, has served as a consultor to the Pontifical Council on the New Evangelization since 2011. He said that changes are needed for marriage preparation in the Catholic Church.
“Nobody wants to marry badly. But our marriage preparation is not engaging, it is not compelling, it is not effective, despite the fact that we’ve got some of the most sincere, wonderful people trying to do it.”
Marriage preparation is often perceived as “mostly onerous” and something that must be done in order to marry in the church one’s parents want.
Martin suggested that marriage preparation could be a winning moment to introduce people to the Gospel of Jesus Christ and explain “why the Catholic faith can make all the difference in the marriage they’re hoping to enter into, and succeed in.”
While it is possible to have a lifelong marriage without supernatural grace, Martin said, “to really be able to love one another with the love of God requires that you have actually known and experienced the love of God.”
“The Church’s teachings about marriage are actually impossible to live without God’s grace,” he said.
Martin stressed the importance of what he called “remote preparation” for marriage, forming young people even before they are in relationships.
“Once you’re in love, you’re not going to listen to principles that are going to cause you to break up with that person.”
Rather, knowing these principles will help guide young people about who they fall in love with and help their chances of marrying well, he said.
“Our issue here is that most people have not encountered Jesus Christ and been able to accept him as the Lord of their life. That’s what the Church exists to do: to evangelize,” Martin said. “Only after that are we going to learn how to follow Christ.
“We’re actually meant to live with God at the center of our lives,” he said. “Jesus comes and restores marriage to its original state, which was meant to be lived in the state of grace.”